


with a note saying i love you (i meant it)

by goon



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 15:50:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16519436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goon/pseuds/goon
Summary: The contract, as notarized by Alexandra Danvers. Unsolicited additions by Lena Luthor may be ignored.The To All The Boys I've Loved Before AU that's really a To All The Girls I've Loved Before With Added Gay Anxiety AU





	with a note saying i love you (i meant it)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, turns out I love agentcorp! Oh boy, 2 idiots who are both canonically strong-willed and hard af on the outside and absolutely the Softest, Tenderest dummies with their loved ones!! HELLOOOOO WHO KNOWSSSSS THIS SONG!!!!

Alex ignores Kara’s pleas for her to stay calm as she rips through their shared closet, pulling t-shirts off hangers and carelessly disrupting neatly folded pairs of jeans. She knows her letters are no longer in the ornate wooden box which usually sits prettily on top her and Kara’s shared dresser - because the box is nowhere to be seen.

 

_She’s freaking out._

 

“Where is it?” Alex whines, frantically pulling at the drawers in hopes of finding it buried underneath her underwear.

 

Kara finally catches up, staring with wide eyes from the archway.

 

She steps closer despite Alex’s flying limbs and grips her sisters bicep. “Where’s what, Alex? What’s wrong?”

 

The anxiety in Alex’s chest ratchets up with each passing second the box and the contents of it aren’t in her hands. “The box, Kara!”

 

“What about the box?”

 

Alex riffles through her bottom drawer one more time, hoping against hope she’d missed it the first time. She hangs her head when she comes up empty handed once again, then as quickly as she’s lost the will to live, she whips her head up to glare at Kara.

 

It had been Kara’s idea, so naturally, it is completely her fault.

 

Alex abruptly stands and points a finger at her. “This is absolutely your fault!”

 

Kara takes a step back, hand against her chest. “What is? Are you mad about the last slice of pizza? I asked!”

 

“No, Kara! The letters were in the box!”

 

“Letters?”

 

Alex crumbles and lets the tears gathering in her eyes spill. When Kara wraps her up in a hug, she lets herself be gently sat down and petted. Alex buries her nose into Kara’s shoulder, muffling her voice against Kara’s sweater as she practically whimpers, “The letters you convinced me to write, to deal with... the thing.”

 

“You actually wrote them?”

 

“Were you joking?”

 

Kara pulls back, grips both of her shoulders and says very seriously, “Of course not, Alex! I just didn’t think you’d actually do it, that’s amazing.” Her voice softens near the end and the pride in her sisters eyes is unmistakable. Even though Alex still feels like shit, the warmth of Kara’s love blossoms over her dread just the bit.

 

“I did and now they’re gone and I don’t know where they are... and Kara, they were addressed.”

 

At that, Kara’s eyes widen almost comically and there are suddenly 2 panicked girls holding each other. “What?! Why would you do that!”

 

“You told me to!”

 

“You never listen to me!”

 

“Well obviously I do!”

 

“What are you girls screaming abou- whoa, you guys definitely need to clean up before mom gets back,” Jeremiah says, stepping into their mess of a closet. He bends over to pick up a tank top and playfully throws it at Kara, who tries to duck out of its way but ends up wearing it as a hat.

 

Alex sobers, tries to hold on to a vestige of hope and asks, “Dad, have you seen my box? The one with the moon on it? Always on the drawer?”

 

Jeremiah’s chest practically puffs with pride and Alex’s heart drops straight into her stomach.

 

“Oh yeah, you never used it for anything so we’re using it for keys on the hallway table. Neat, right? Totally my idea. I mailed those letters you had in there for you by the way, best dad ever or best dad ever?”

 

He looks expectedly at them, ready to receive his due praise. Seconds pass and he frowns as his girls gift him twin looks of horror. His finger guns droop.

 

“What?”

 

-

 

“You wrote one to Lena? Like my best friend, Lena?”

 

Alex gives her a blank stare. At Kara’s raised eyebrow, she closes her eyes and shoves her hand into her hair, pressing her palm against her forehead in the universal sign of “fuck me”.

 

“You never said anything,” Kara says. She shuffles closer to Alex on the couch and puts a comforting arm around her. Under normal circumstances this would be very helpful, but in this instance, feels more like the click of a handcuff. Alex opens one eye and peers over.

 

“It was a long time ago.”

 

It was exactly one summer ago, but Kara doesn’t need to know.

 

“How long ago? Is that why you’re always weird when she’s over?” Kara trucks on, eyes bright and suspiciously excited. Alex hasn’t told her sister about her feelings about her bff for this exact reason. Kara is getting _much_ too bushy tailed about the most minor of passing crushes.

 

She sighs loudly and flops onto the couch. Kara lets her, even manages to push a pillow for her to fall softly onto, but doesn’t stop. “Because you had a crush on her? When did this happen? I can’t believe I never noticed. She thinks you hate her!”

 

“No!” Alex pushes herself upright, shakes her head, presses her palm against her forehead again. Kara should be concentrating on helping her deal with the actual mess, the one where she sent a tell-all to the girl of her dreams, _Maggie freaking Sawyer_. “I don’t know! It doesn’t matter! Maggie is going to read that letter and think I’m obsessed with her and I’ll die. I’ll actually die.”

 

Kara gives her a sympathetic look and pats her thigh. Her phone pings while Alex groans and slumps against the couch and tries to make herself disappear. She’s too busy running through embarrassing, life ruining scenarios in her head to notice Kara shooting her a long look before typing rapidly on her phone and determinedly shoving it into her pocket.

 

20 minutes later, the doorbell rings.

 

-

 

Lena Luthor drives a jet black Mercedes Benz hybrid with a pineapple shaped and scented gas station car freshener hooked into one of her air vents; It smells like there should be a hula girl bobblehead attached to the dash. Alex stares at it as Lena zips wildly through her borough, in the direction of Midvale’s main street.

 

“Kara gave it to me,” Lena says, volunteering information Alex didn’t ask for. Alex responds by humming once and letting the silence melt uncomfortably over them both.

 

Lena says nothing, she says nothing, and together they say nothing. Alex stares longingly at the powered off sound system, willing it to miraculously switch on and fill the void her awkwardness is beginning to seep into.

 

It’s been 10 minutes since Kara used her unearned strength to push Alex into Lena’s passenger seat, slamming the door and screaming “drive!”. Alex spent the first 5 or so strategically using the reflective surfaces of the incredibly fuel efficient vehicle to watch as Lena determinedly does not look at her.

 

She lets herself dig into her seat when Lena speeds up to weave through the streets. There isn’t any traffic, nary a car in sight, but as far as Alex knows, Lena Luthor has always loved showing off.

 

They eventually stop on the side of the road. Lena guides the car smoothly into a tight space and finally turns to face Alex. Her mouth twists up at the edges all smug, like Alex should be impressed with her ability to parallel park perfectly. Big deal.

 

With no such praise forthcoming, Lena frowns, pulls out a familiar envelope from her jacket pocket and says, “here.”

 

As soon as her eyes fall onto the crinkled paper, Alex snatches it quick and promptly exits, pursued by a bear.

 

She doesn’t stop walking in the wrong direction of her house even as she hears the drivers side door open and shut, and she definitely does not stop when Lena loudly asks her to “wait! Alex, come on!”

 

She does, however, crush the letter in her fist, turn her ass around and run Tom Cruise style back towards Lena when she yells, “The letter was very nic-”

 

Alex clamps a hand over Lena’s mouth. She has very smooth skin and Alex doesn’t dwell on it much because she’s concentrating all her energy in preventing Lena from loudly exposing her on Midvale’s busiest street.

 

“Shut up!” she whisper-screams.

 

Lena lips stop moving against her palm as she raises both perfect, professionally groomed eyebrows at Alex. She gently grips Alex’s wrist, which Alex allows and totally doesn’t feel aware and warm from where Lena’s got a solid hold on her.

 

Lena pulls Alex’s hand away enough to say, “Well, it was _very_ complimentary.”

 

Alex huffs and rips her arm back - and not because she can feel Lena’s breath and it heightens the heat she was already not feeling.

 

Unobstructed by Alex’s hand, Lena’s face does the thing where resting bitch face combines with actual ethereal beauty to form a specific lesbian’s earliest gay daydreams. The specific lesbian who will never, ever tell Lena Luthor her smirk was maybe Alex’s first sexual awakening - and then she remembers she’d written that exact thing in her letter. The creeping feeling of death by flaming embarrassment almost knocks her out.

 

Somehow, through a very intense bout of emotions she refuses to actually feel, she manages to snark, “Great, congrats on your ego boost.”

 

“Honestly Alex, I thought you hated me all this time but I guess that’s how you express yourself? Your crankiness is kind of cute to be honest and I’m flattered but you understand it can’t happen, right? Veronica and I are kind of in a weird place and I know Kara-”

 

Right, this is it, Alex Danvers’ worst nightmare. From the corner of her vision, she sees a familiar figure approach; Maggie Sawyer, gnawing at her beautiful bottom lip and clearly searching for her. She’s holding a familiar envelope in her hand. Alex stares at her letter, horrified and willing it to burst into flame. When that doesn’t work, she follows Maggie’s arm up, and lo and behold, they’re making direct eye contact. Fuck, and then Maggie is walking towards her.

 

The blood rushes to Alex’s ears, gurgling liquid clouding her hearing like in some sick horror film. Lena is still talking, asking her questions with no answers. Every thought in Alex’s brain scrambles together. She lurches forward and is kissing a very startled Lena Luthor before she can talk herself out of this very, very bad idea.

 

To be fair, whatever plan her dumb brain conjures up works because Lena shuts up and Maggie’s mouth drops open as she comes to an immediate halt.

 

Plus it’s not much of a kiss; just lips against lips and Lena’s tiny sound of surprise as Alex wraps her arms around her neck. Lena’s hands are up in the air. Alex is watching past Lena’s shoulder as Maggie stares and stares and stares.

 

Lena’s hands landing on the small of her waist jolts Alex into pulling back. Lena blinks fast at her, surprise and curiosity in her pout.

 

There’s a beat of silence. “Thank you,” she says, because her parents raised her right.

 

Then she makes a run for it.

 

-

 

Lena Luthor is in her bedroom. Lena Luthor is sitting cross legged with hands resting primly on her lap, on top of Alex’s plaid bedspread.

 

Alex stops with her hand on her doorknob and squints.

 

There’s something off with what she’s seeing.

 

“How did you get here before me?”

 

Lena clears her throat. “I drove, you walked.”

 

“Right.” Alex nods dumbly. She stands there slouching and not knowing what to do until Kara appears beside her and gives her a little push. Alex stumbles into her room. She doesn’t get a chance to yell at her little sister before the door is closed and Kara’s running loudly into their parents room. Coward.

 

Lena watches with a fond smile - fond for Kara anyway. Since they met in eighth grade, Lena and Kara have had this weird friendship where they adore each other and Lena tries to buy Kara’s love as if Kara wouldn’t willingly give it.

 

Lena says, “So I just came to make it clear that-”

 

“How did you get in?” Alex interrupts.

 

“You realize your sister is my best friend?”

 

“Right.”

 

Lena smirks, or maybe it’s just the way she smiles. It’s not particularly comforting. “So, you and me?”

 

Alex takes a deep breath, looks up to pray at her ceiling light and presses her palms against her hips in what approximates a power pose. It makes her feel a little more in control, at least.

 

“Right, that’s not going to happen.”

 

Lena cocks another infuriating eyebrow. The corners of her perfect red mouth pull back and her lips poke out - skepticism loud and clear. “Okay, that’s what you’re saying,” she pronounces slowly, like Alex will fill in the rest of her sentence and save her from her confusion. Little does she know, Alex is just as confused about why she’s confused.

 

“But?”

 

Lena’s spine gets even straighter, somehow. “But then you kissed me,” she says after a moment, all matter of fact. She sits tall and confidant and her perfume permeates Alex’s room - alpine fucking fresh. Eliza would praise Alex’s ramrod straight posture right now, if not worried about the tension knotting literally every muscle in her body.

 

“Right, sorry about that.”

 

“You’re sorry?”

 

The hesitancy she thinks she hears in Lena’s question makes the pressure in Alex’s shoulders slip and makes her want to reassure and comfort her. She glances up to investigate, then decides she’s heard wrong, because Lena Luthor is still smirking and as indifferent as ever.

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have done that. I just needed to show someone I wasn’t a stalker,” Alex says, shuffling her feet. She feels herself blush at her own honesty and moves to her desk to avoid the gaze following her around the room.

 

She plops down into her chair, gathers herself, then spins it and uses her feet to roll herself to Lena. Lena watches her wheel over with a dubious look which transforms into a smile Alex finds indecipherable.

 

“Ok, who?” Lena asks, still looking at her in a way that makes Alex nervous to look back.

 

“What?”

 

“Who?”

 

“I’m not telling you.”

 

Lena leans forward, elbows on her lap and fingers under her chin. She’s got a spark in her eye and it’s downright mischievous. Practically perched on the edge of her bed, Lena is so close to Alex she can definitely see the huge gulp Alex unintentionally takes.

 

Lena pushes forward, as always. “Fine, I’ll just go ahead and tell Kara how you called me a-” and here she pauses and lifts her hand to produce the most mocking finger quotes Alex has ever witnessed. The effect is, well, very effective, especially paired up with her next words, “-sexy monster.”

 

“Shush!” Alex says, hand flying out to cover Lena’s mouth. Lena doesn’t even move, just lets Alex struggle and stammer and panic. Her skin is still smooth and soft and Alex is still so damn gay, damn it. “Ok fine! Maggie Sawyer.”

 

Lena looks way too impressed as Alex takes her hand and presses it hard against the edge of her seat. Her palm is tingly. “Maggie Sawyer? The dimple queen herself. I mean I get it but, just, why not? She’s single, isn’t she?”

 

Alex glowers at her bedspread. “It’s complicated”

 

Lena crosses her arms. “I’m listening.”

 

“I came out to her and she rejected me, ok? And it’s just getting normal again but I went ahead and wrecked it,” Alex says. She leaves out the part where she was heartbroken and lovelorn and even more heartbroken because Maggie was so damn nice.

 

Lena sits back, contemplative.

 

“I have a proposition for you, Danvers.”

 

-

 

Alex says no, and then yes, then no and finally, another yes.

 

What changes her mind in the end is a text as she’s pacing the entirety of her room. The “can we talk?” from Maggie flashing ominously in her notification window immediately makes her ill to her stomach.

 

On her bed is Lena Luthor still sitting perfect posture and amazingly patient, the lesser of two evils.

 

Lena smirks, Alex sighs.

 

-

 

They create a set of rules, a contract, because despite their shared trait of breaking rules for the right (keywords: Kara related) reasons, both she and Lena thrive in structure.

 

Alex sits at her desk and scribbles everything down into her notebook - not even a Luthor can hack a piece of paper. Lena leans over her to watch and is too close? Definitely maybe too close. Alex says nothing about her proximity and let’s herself secretly enjoy it. Lena smells good and expensive and sometimes she sways enough to bump lightly into Alex. It’s calming or something, so there.

 

“The first and most important rule: we cannot tell Kara,” she says, pressing hard as she underlines number one.

 

Lena nods beside her. “Oh yes, definitely. We’ll just have to let her fawn over us for a couple of days and we’re in the clear.”

 

“Don’t break if she gets suspicious.”

 

Lena snorts and gives her a disbelieving stare and totally doesn’t acknowledge the fact that she just snorted. Alex thinks it’s cute when Lena breaks her holier than thou character; She will not voice this opinion.

 

“Trust me, you’ll break before I do. I didn’t tell Kara I’m-” she pauses, struggling to say _gay? a lesbian?_ The words were always easier to think than to say. Kara’s told her to take it slow, practice with herself until she’s re-familiarized with who she is now. The way Lena’s eyes soften and the hand she places on top of Alex’s tells her maybe Kara got some advice for their pep talk.

 

“You’ll spill everything under Kara’s pout in less than a day,” Lena deadpans. She squeezes Alex’s hand and leaves Alex open mouthed gaping at her turn before her eyes are narrowing into a glare.

 

“Kara is going to wet her eyes and you’re gonna crumble like a house of cards, Luthor.”

 

“Is that a bet?”

 

“It’s not a bet, it’s a sure thing,” Alex challenges, grinning through it like she hadn’t been tortured by her own mind a moment ago.

 

And if Lena’s hand is still on hers after half an hour of trash talk? Well, who’s gonna tell? Not Alex, that’s for sure.

 

-

 

The contract, as notarized by Alexandra Danvers. ~~Unsolicited additions by Lena Luthor may be ignored.~~

 

1\. Kara Danvers can never, ever know!!

 

2\. Under no circumstances can either Alex Danvers nor Lena Luthor tell the truth. No one can ever know. _But especially Kara._

 

3\. Alex Danvers will never kiss Lena Luthor ~~without permission~~ again. _~~Lena Luthor gets a free pass for one.~~_

 

4\. Lena Luthor is allowed to put her hand on Alex Danvers’ waist ~~_and butt_~~

 

5\. Alex Danvers will make Lena Luthor her phone wallpaper and vice versa

 

Signed,

 

Alexandra Danvers & Lena Kieran Luthor

 

 -

 

“Your middle name is Kieran? You’re so rich it’s dumb.”

 

“Whatever you say, Alexandra.”

 

“Wow, I’m not going to win this.”

 

“Great, you’re already the perfect girlfriend.”

 

“Can I get you as a reference on my resume? Lena Luthor thinks I’m the perfect fake girlfriend.”

 

“The day you take a compliment from me is apparently the day you’ll perish.”

 

“How is ‘you’re a great liar’ a compliment?”

 

-

 

They sit Kara down the following day, awkward as Alex twiddles her thumbs and Lena very purposefully puts her hand on top of Alex’s to stop her. The novelty of Lena’s touch apparently hasn’t worn off yet, because suddenly Alex’s pulse is racing and her palms are _damp_.

 

If there’s anything she’s learned from those teen shows Kara forces her to watch, it’s that couples are supposed to suffer together, so she flips her hand, trapping Lena’s hand in a moist disgusting trap.

 

Kara, having been seated on the recliner rather than stuffed in-between Alex and Lena on the loveseat like usual, eyes their now intertwined fingers with intense suspicion.

 

“Is everything ok? I’m really not used to the two of you sitting on the same side.”

 

Alex smiles, a little because she abruptly and literally has the upper hand, and a little because Lena’s hand is getting sweaty in hers. Lena Luthor sweats, _ha_.

 

“Everything is fine,” Lena says, pulling their fists onto her lap and upping the ante in under a second. She gives Alex a loving look but squeezes her hand just enough to let her know the ball is squarely in her court. How else is someone as surprisingly petty as Alex not supposed to respond by meeting Lena’s gaze with an adoring look of her own?

 

“Are you guys gonna tell me you’re secretly dating or something?” Kara asks, on the verge of laughter at her funny joke. If not the long moment of silence, then the synchronized turn of their heads start the gears in Kara’s head. They watch as Kara’s eyes move between them, widening with realization when the pieces finally click together.

 

“You’re shitting me,” she whispers, then, at a much louder volume, “OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!”

 

-

 

So Kara knows, or at least she knows what she needs to know. After some yelling over keeping secrets, she proceeds to quiz them for a full hour. Kara bounces with excitement and doles out hugs, expressing her approval and pouring her love over them like a restless puppy. Alex takes it all in like a champ and tries to swallow the looming guilt about lying to her sister.

 

Lena, unconscious or not, squeezes her hand every few minutes. Though Alex will never claim to be an expert in the inner workings of Lena Luthor, she does know how much she cares about Kara, which can only mean they’re both dying inside.

 

Which is why she’s still pressed quietly against Lena’s side and maybe why Lena hasn’t let go of her hand yet and maybe why, instead, she’s taken to brushing her thumb over Alex’s knuckles.

 

Amidst Kara’s excited squeals, Alex takes a deep breath and squeezes back.


End file.
